What Happens When You Have Faith

  Photo: Courtesy of  Martha Ignacio

Photo: Courtesy of Martha Ignacio

I’ve always been unlucky when it came to love, which is probably why I was barely in romantic relationships for the most part of my life so far. I’ve always been very picky with choosing the right significant other too, so I never really pressured myself to be in relationships or find someone just to fill the void of loneliness

As a (secret) hopeless romantic, there were times in my life where that was just pure frustration for me – not being able to find someone I could call a partner. Other people in the same situation probably prayed to God, asking to give them a partner they could be happy with. I, on the other hand, was agnostic, so I didn’t really pray.

Instead of praying, I learned to have faith and let the universe run its course on me as I found my own kind of spirituality, just last year. At the time, I had already been single and was on a dating hiatus for a year and a half. True as it is, the universe found a way to bring someone to me.

And now that I think about it, I met that person just days after the second anniversary of my last relationship. It felt as though the universe told me, “You’ve come a long way from who you used to be, and now it’s time for you to find someone that can match your new, true self.”

Our story isn’t what you typically see in movies – he didn’t even remember the first time we met, and we didn’t even get to hang out while we were at the same place at the time. Since then, we barely talked – kept it cool and casual when we’d leave comments or reply to each other’s Instagram stories. The thing is, I wasn’t even interested in him that way.

When I first met him, I just thought that he was someone interesting I’d like to be friends with. His energy piqued my interest, without me even knowing it. It wasn’t until two months later that I actually got to hang out with him. But that night, we barely talked.

We weren’t even sharing the same table at the bar we were at, but every now and then we’d order drinks together, or go downstairs for a smoke. It was that night that I started to have a crush on him. I told him about my plans to go to the beach with my friends in a couple weeks’ time. He said he was down for it, but I didn’t really think he’d follow through.

That Valentine’s weekend at the beach, there was an event called Single and Unattached. Let’s just say we came out of the weekend not single and definitely attached. We’ve actually been inseparable since then. As time flew by, I was convinced that I found my soulmate; that the universe had finally brought me someone it knew was a good match for me.

I was dumbfounded at how much he was a lot like me, and yet so different at the same time. We had the same taste in music and movies. We were both thrill-seekers that loved to try new things. We both shared the same mindset, had the same way of thinking, and similar personalities. We shared a love for surfing, trapeze, and food – all random, unrelated and unlikely things to have in common.

Time progressed and I saw how I was changing for the better – he made me realize that I can still transform myself to become a better person. And being with him made the changes so easy, so light, so refreshing. With him always cheering me on, I found that I started to push myself more – doing things I would normally chicken out from.

I’ve continuously been challenging myself since, and I kept facing my fears head on. With his support, my goal to have a renewed positive mindset – despite my ongoing depression – was much easier to achieve. I ended up breaking down all the walls I had built to keep people away, and started showing vulnerability – something I was deathly afraid of.

Early on in our relationship, I could already see that he is a good match that was given to me. Instead of just helping my grow both as an individual and as a partner, he became a co-creator; someone who’s a team player, someone who I could, together, do and create new things with.

While my previous relationship gave me my idea of everything, it wasn’t healthy for me, nor was it the right mindset. This time around feels so much more different – we’re both giving each other what our idea of everything is. I finally found someone I could have a genuine two-way relationship with.

I was amazed by the fact that I found someone who could both ride my wavelength AND help me reach new heights. I kept telling myself that it felt so magical, being able to find your soul mate. And to me, it seemed too good to be true.

Coming from an incompatible three-year relationship, I was waiting for something to ruin what I had with this man. I knew that nobody always gets what they want, and I thought that I was the last person to deserve anything like this. And I started self-sabotaging, without even knowing it. I was projecting my fears onto him that I ended up pushing him away, again and again.

I remember telling stories to my dearest friend, Cola, and asking for her advice whenever I’d find myself freaking out. And as she told me before, she reminded me once again: “Stop limiting your beliefs. I’ve seen you grow so much all these years, and you deserve this. Don’t think that you don’t, because you do.”

So I stopped pushing him away, and started to live in the moment (his advice). I stopped thinking that I didn’t deserve this, or that I didn’t deserve him – this man who always treated me like a princess, who spoiled me to death, who always cooked for me whenever I was hungry, who personally delivered food to my house when I was sick, who always made sure he said good night to me, who picks me up from the floor just to slow dance with me. I’ve definitely hit the jackpot with this one.

To the universe, thank you for teaching me that love starts with yourself. Thank you for teaching me that good things come with patience and faith. Thank you for teaching me that I was the only one hindering myself from receiving wonderful things in life. But most of all, thank you for bringing me my soul mate.

And to this amazing man, thank you for many, many things. Thank you for accepting me for who I am, and loving me in spite of my shortcomings. Thank you for always challenging me, for bringing out my inner weird, but also for being a wonderful support system. I can only hope that I return everything you’ve given me. You really are special with a loving soul, and I know the world envies me for having you. I’m so thankful that you were brought into this world and so – happy birthday, Christopher. Siempre serás el mejor, mi amor.

 

Words by Martha Ignacio

IG: @mar.tats