Don’t Be Too Hard On Yourself

  Photo: Courtesy of  Liz Dumdum

Photo: Courtesy of Liz Dumdum

They say that people who suffer from depression are the best people to talk to; they’re the best go-to people for when you’re in the mood to have those deep conversations. Because, the way I see it – as a fellow depressive – we’re one of the toughest kinds of people to console. But we’re empaths, and as difficult as it is for people to console us, it’s not that much of a challenge for us to console people. And as a depressive, you won’t see it at first; however, know that this is an incredible trait to be proud of. Being a depressive isn’t all that bad, truth be told.

That’s probably something you definitely wouldn’t expect. You learn how to be many things, but most importantly, you learn to be human. Something we rarely see nowadays – why are we even always posting random acts of kindness from strangers? Shouldn’t that be a norm? Why is being kind such a rare sight that the first thing we do when we witness it is to pull out a camera to catch it on video. Is it really so hard for people to be kind?

As an action will always have a reaction, the natural laws of attraction have also dictated our way of interaction: we only become kind to others after receiving an act of kindness from someone else. Pay it forward system, basically – but let’s face it, a lot of people don’t pay it forward.

And to be honest, we live in a cruel world. So we can’t really blame ourselves for being so guarded and having walls taller than that of Beijing’s. We need to protect ourselves, too. We’ve been hurt, deceived, and lied to numerous times that we can’t handle any more pain, no matter how small it could be. Eventually you realize you’ve also become numb to the world.

With all the pain, all those hardships, all those moments you said “I hate my life” or even joked, “kill me now” – well, those all trace back to how you even look at yourself. All the times you mentioned those phrases, you feel like your life is out place – it’s not where it should be, or where you want it to be. You’re afraid to admit it but you know your life has been feeling empty more frequently than you did just a couple of months ago. You think you’re such a horrible person that you deserve to feel this way.

But the thing is, everyone feels that way at some point in their lives. It’s just in different difficulty levels for different people. Here’s the deal: everyone fucks up and makes mistakes in their lives. Some more than others, but maybe that’s just they’re too stubborn to face what’s really going on in their lives. This phase, too, will pass. It’s about you having the resilience and the will power to overcome it, to actively create solutions to get yourself out of this rut.

It’s not easy, I know. But remind yourself this: you are not as bad as you make yourself out to be. And you’re not as broken as you feel. Remember: everyone’s broken, but not beyond repair. There’s nothing wrong with being broken – it shows you’re human. It’s what makes you, you. Never forget that your scars are what make you beautiful. Those very scars are proof that you’ve been knocked down, but you’ve gotten back up every single time.

You need to trust in yourself, in your capabilities. Even the natural order of things has proven this: Without pressure, there can’t be any diamonds. Maybe it’s taking you longer than you hoped to transition into that diamond – you’re still a piece of coal. But everyone starts that way (it’s really an even playing field, you know), but you gotta work for it before you can actually – as Rihanna puts it -- shine bright like a diamond.

Your life is a movie, but you’re the director and the writer. You choose how you want it to pan out – there are just some things along the way that will be so terrifying that you’d want to run the other way as fast as you can. But know that you need to earn the life you want to live. So don’t let fear cripple you. Fear will always be there, but life is a ticking time bomb. Make a move, take a risk – and have fun. Life’s no fun if you let yourself freeze in fear.

Words by Martha Ignacio

IG: @discoveringmartha

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